So, I turned 26 the other day, and uh, that just sounds so real. Real grown, real adulthood. Even though I still feel 19ā¦ Anyways, the last week leading up to my birthday, Iāve cried. Every. Single. Day. Maybe I was grieving? Grieving 25, grieving everything Iāve been through this year? What was 25 like for me? It wasā¦ uhh, a hard one, honestly. Everything has changedāmy environment, the people in my lifeā¦ even me. Iāve changed. A LOT.
This year, Iāve taken losses.. maybe to make room for more, but idk, it was still tough. Iāve considered me more than I ever have, and how things made me feel, which led to me making some real decisions for me! For my sanity. 25 had me rethinking my whole life and recognizing that some things had to change for the betterment of me. So some people really had to go, no matter how much I loved them.
25 made me see I had to love me more because honestly im worth it! Iāve revisited griefāor did grief revisit me? Either way, this time was more intense than when it first happened. Those suppressed emotions? Yeah, they come right back up, and they just feel 10x worse than what you remember. 25 has allowed me to feelāEVERY. SINGLE. EMOTION. Right then! Iāve always been sort of a crier, but this is different. EVERYTHING makes me cry now, and Iām okay with that. It feels good to actually feel things, to acknowledge my emotions instead of brushing them aside.
25 also helped me reconnect with a version of myself that I had been avoiding. I can admit,Ā I was lost. I had extended so much of myself to others that I had no time left for me. I was always surrounded by so many people in my home it became draining!
And even though this year has felt like challenge after challenge, Iāve never felt more peace than I do now. Iāve never been so confident in myself, in my decisions! Iāve never felt so ready to take on life. 25 has shaped me into a version of myself Iāve only dreamed of. Such a bittersweet year. My life has done a complete 180. I didnāt realize how sad I actually was, with so much constantly going on around me. 25 had me finding light in the darkness. Is this what frontal lobe development feels like? I guess so.
26 is going to be fun. Laying here, Iām just gratefulāgrateful for 25 and all that it taught me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL THE VIRGOS THIS SEASON. š„ to being the most perfect sign! šš«¶š½