26 thingsss

26 random thoughts at 3am🌘

1. I turned 26 last week

2. I didn’t want much for my birthday this year. Just to be surrounded by love… I’ve experienced a lot of things & gifts over the years. Of course there’s still room for more but this year love was enough

3. My phone has a ton of birthday messages, more than I expected honestly. One long message that had me in tears. I really appreciate the people who took a second out their day for me.

4. I took my little baby to school & the first person she saw, she made sure she told them it was her mommy’s birthday & ya that made me smile

5. I’ve been sleep for at least 12 hours I’m not even playing right now

6. At 26 I’m finding a therapist, tired of figuring shit out on my own

7. The real bittersweetness about birthdays is not disappointment or expectation… it’s nostalgia. remembering the birthdays that came before. 15 year old me, 19 year old me, even 25 year old me. Each version was so different.

8. This weekend I went to a Nicki Minaj concert with my sisters and best friend. I had so much fun!

This was the first time I’ve hung out with my little sister since she’s older & it just feels like hanging out with a younger version of myself haha I love her actually! & hanging with my older sister is always fun. Watching her enjoy herself after everything she’s been through, just makes my heart happy. Anyways us 3 together on a mini trip for the first time was fun. I’m looking forward to more.

9. I hated my outfit for the concert. The stuff I ordered didn’t come in time so I had to shop at the mall that doesn’t have any stores ( probably the worse mall ever, no it is the worst mall ever!) i ended up wearing all black which was fine but not what I wanted so that means i hated it but I really enjoyed myself so that’s all that matters.

10. Ugh I hit a freaking armadillo in the road last night after doing everything I could to avoid it! Omg pls stay out the road!

11. After 26 years I finally understand my mom more than ever. Even when she’s being annoying.. I get it. I only hope I can help her as much as she has me

12. I haven’t had sex in 7 months. I don’t miss it as I rather have a real connection with someone.

13. I’ve been conversing with people and uhh not to sound too crazy but I don’t see myself connecting with anyone anytime soon. I thought maybe I wasn’t giving anyone a real chance but honestly the only chance I want to give right now is myself. I just don’t care to be bothered with dating.. like I’m not dating for money without connection idgaf. Yes you need money.. that is very real but it just won’t get you as far with me. And I love love so much. Ugh why are men so are annoying? Will I ever be inlove again?

14. Weirdly enough I haven’t been craving cheesecake as much lately.. is the obsession over?

15. Someone left me the sweetest birthday message after purchasing the diary! It felt like a much needed hug. If you’re here I know I’ve already said this but thank you! You don’t even know how much it meant.. I’m always so surprised by the love I get from here.

16. Me building up the courage to share my experiences & parts of my story with you all in hopes that it resonates or heals someone else. And getting the feed back that it does.. I will never get over this. Thank you

17. The feeling of “ what’s next “ as I’m 26 now feels more like “ let’s get started “

18. Being back home for now, me & my little brother are closer than ever. He shares everything with me. He’s only 14 but it makes me proud to be someone’s big sister

19. I had my daughter at 19. This was really only 5 years ago. She’s in elementary school now wtf

20. It’s 4:22am I went to bed at 8:30 pm so of course I’m up before the birds today..

lately I’ve been working on going to bed at a decent time. I’m shooting for at least midnight! Don’t judge me, I need to be able to sleep the whole night if I go to sleep any earlier I’ll be up in the middle of the night & that doesn’t help! I’ve been a night owl all my life so it’s actually kinda hard. i don’t know I just feel like I function better at night. Does that make me a vampire?

21. Me starting school again after 7 years has been different & exciting! I love learning about the history of fashion so it just makes it worth my while. I’m excited to see where this takes me.

22. My birthday made me feel like I haven’t really accomplished as much as I thought I would have by now. I mean it’s still so much I haven’t done. I’m still working towards my goals.

23. Growth has been such an interesting journey for me. Over the years, I’ve changed so much. I’ve watched myself evolve and seen people around me go in completely different directions. It’s crazy to see how different we all turn out. And then, there are those who seem like they’re not growing at all and it’s like, why? How are you still the exact same person? It’s actually pretty insane.

24. I’m constantly reminding myself that everyone is on their own journey & I just cannot fix people! They have to do life the way it was intended for them!

25. I miss when things and people had personality! Everything feels so copy and paste. I seen someone say CREATE THE THINGS YOU WISH EXISTED! & YES! Please please please… It’s okay to get inspiration but make it your own! Sometimes I’m strolling on any social platform & I swear I’m watching the same video over and over. Everyone doing or making the exact same thing! I get that it can be hella hard to stand out or even put yourself out there when everyone or thing looks a certain way but that’s what makes the biggest difference!

It’s the same with fashion. Why in the hellllll does everyone wanna look alike? The home decor, the brands.. Everything is just lacking personality! It’s wild. Pleaseeeee DO YOUR OWN THING! CREATE THE THING THAT HASN’T BEEN DONE YET. PLSSS STAND OUT!

26. Number 26.. ahhh if you read this far I love you! But seriously my advice to everyone reading is to just be gentle with yourself, be nicer to you, give yourself the grace, start believing in you! Life can be so challenging sometimes & you won’t always have someone rooting for you! You need to root for yourself! ALWAYS. Especially when it’s hard! I promise it’ll change everything!

And another thing.. I’ve fallen so deeply inlove with myself. IM FINALLY IN LOVE WITH ME! After everything I’ve encountered over the past 3 years I can honestly say I’m happy with who I’ve become. I am so happy I got to take on this body and this life with this soul and the people in my life. There’s this idea that we got to choose the lives we live, and I really believe I chose mine. Every situation, every challenge.. I go through them because I can get through them. Resilience breeds grace & I have become one graceful human. Like yes, thank you God.

Love on yourself! You deserve it.

                                            xo,

                                               zenwhispers 🫶🏽