I’m currently listening to 2015 The Weeknd while I finish homework.
I remember how his music used to make me feel.
So dark yet alive at the same time…
My hormones are off today, I guess my cycle is getting ready to make an appearance.
The week leading up is always the worst.
How is it I’ve been going through this majority of my life & STILL get so extremely overwhelmed,
emotionally drained for like 2 weeks EACH MONTH.
Does it not get easier? I’m tired.
Anyways, I’ve been meaning to do this for weeks.
Sometimes I remember I’m sharing this on the internet & decide “no, not posting that.”
But this space, this is mine
you literally have to choose to be here!
I write whatever comes to mind.
From past entries, can you tell the kind of year I’ve had? Mmh
Am I dating? Maybe.
Not really.
Honestly, I’m just bored & need a little entertainment sometimes.
One guy sends me these weekly messages & I’m really trying to see why?
I told myself I would be nicer.
Ugh.
I’ve hit a place where I’m “content” but not really.
For the last couple years,
I feel I’ve been doing so much work on myself.
My confidence.
Me as a whole.
& now… now nothing.
I feel I’ve done the “work”
& pls spare me the “lifelong learning” story, cause I know!
But right now I think I’ve done the work that’s needed for this chapter
& I think I might be crazy because now I’m bored.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m happy at how far I’ve come!
For the woman I’ve grown into. obsessed with her actually
But I’m just… idk?
What now?
What happens now?
What’s next for me?
Where is life taking me now?
How do I allow myself to just be… for once?
… I guess the story will continue.
xo,
zenwhispers 💋