so i started yoga teacher training

let’s start here: i hate hot yoga.

the heat, the constant movement, trying to catch your breath while you’re being rushed into the next pose… it’s just not appealing to me at all. i find myself irritated the entire time but god knows at the end of it i feel amazing. i find myself asking, is it even worth it? possibly not. i don’t know.. i’m opting out.

anyway… yeah. i started yoga teacher training this past weekend.

i’ve immersed myself in a community that looks nothing like me. i’ll admit the first day i was a little skeptical once i sat down. though everyone is extremely welcoming and warm, being the only brown girl in the room isn’t ideal.

day 1

we started with meditation. i don’t usually enjoy guided meditations but i found peace in this one. the subtle sounds around me, the stillness… it landed.

then we moved into a body scan.

we talked about what yoga means to each of us. it was cool to see what yoga presented for each person.

for me, yoga is… interesting.

the way these movements create space for even more complex shapes within the body. the way it teaches you to listen. to trust yourself.

yoga is unity.

to be one with yourself is to be one with everything around you.

other words people used were presence, vulnerability, ego death, self…

i loved that one the most ✨self✨

after lunch, we journaled.

one question stuck with me:

“who or what is triggering you?” or “who are you envious of?”

i sat there for a second… because i genuinely couldn’t think of anyone. and i knew then. i’ve finally made it.

we didn’t share our answers out loud, but i’ll share mine here:

“no one… except the version of me i’m merging with daily.”

in other words. there’s no life better than yours.

day 2

something i didn’t notice before is how much culture yoga actually holds.

i’ve been practicing movement and meditation for years, but i fell ignorant to the deeper roots. learning that now… i love it. i love seeing the different ways people find themselves.

we started with breathwork.. nadi shodhana.

at first, i was in my head, overthinking everything about this journey i’ve stepped into. i enjoyed the beginning of class so much i was full of curiosity. somewhere along the way, i felt relaxed. i softened.

what i took from that practice was simple.

take up space. always.

we moved into a power class… and i think you already know how i feel about that. i still cannot wrap my head around doing yoga in sauna heat. no thank you.

but then we did yin after.

and that. was. needed.

i haven’t taken a yin class in a while, and my body felt that.

during break, i ran to three different nail shops in one hour because i was determined to get my toes done. priorities.

we ended the day with a workshop on yoga for people with disabilities. it was insightful, but honestly… a lot of it just felt like basic human decency to me.

day 3

i was late.

i’m tired. exhausted, actually.

i missed the morning breathwork. i missed the power flow. apparently everyone’s favorite class of the weekend?

do i feel left out? maybe.

am i sad i missed another hot yoga class?

i think not.

quick update though: i now know what warrior 3 is. progress.

we did a blindfolded flow… and i’m not gonna lie, i felt somewhere between uncomfortable and claustrophobic. but it was also kind of fun.

it’s crazy how quickly your balance disappears when your vision is gone. the amount of focus it takes just to stand on one fucking leg with your eyes closed is insane.

i used to be a ballerina… why was that so hard?

we ended with therapeutic yoga. i think it was called yoga nidra. that state between sleep and waking… honestly, one of the coolest things we did all weekend.

and yeah…

that was my first weekend.

i’m actually looking forward to the next.