Navigating life in my 20s?? Ahh where do I start? I’m 25 this year, and I must say it has been the longest 5 years of my life. So much has happened in what seems like such a short amount of time.
Starting with having my daughter right at 20, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions. The world often makes you feel like your life is over once you become a parent, especially so young. The responsibility of someone else’s life, when you’re still unsure of your own, can definitely be terrifying. For me, I never really wanted kids; I always thought they would be in the way of me living the life I had dreamed of. And I’d meet so many moms who are just moms. No personality outside of motherhood, and I just never wanted that. But I found myself young and in love, so here we are. As cliche as it may sound, I couldn’t imagine life without her, and she hasn’t, for once, stopped me from living out my dreams! Being a mom is a lot of things, challenging being one, but despite its challenges, it has been a journey of growth and discovery. I mean, honestly, I still can’t believe I’m someone’s mother. I can barely take myself seriously, and I have no idea what I’m doing half the time, but it’s fun figuring it out with her.
One of the hardest things that I think most of us go through is figuring out what we want to do with our lives or where to even start. Me having a baby so young made me feel like I needed to have it all figured out. Nobody warns you on how hard it gets sometimes, the constant picking yourself up, trying different ventures just for them not to work, feeling like a failure, watching others and comparing yourself, breaking down our childhood trauma. I mean, the list is endless!
On this journey, I’ve learned that my journey is for me and me only. I was so fast to try to figure it out that I didn’t see the beauty in taking my time and enjoying the journey as I go. I think sometimes the people around me made me feel like I should’ve been doing more and going harder for the hustle. But in reality, I didn’t have that same hustle. My upbringing, I kind of had everything handed to me, and that only taught me the importance of striving for what truly mattered to me. So instead of chasing money, I pursued passions, and that didn’t always unfold the way I imagined. I was surrounded by people who didn’t really go for their dreams, so them understanding was nonexistent, which would only made me feel worse when things didn’t work out. They didn’t know how to keep me going but only made me feel like “it wasn’t going to work anyways.”
I learned that my 20s are my trial and error years; it’s okay if something didn’t go as planned. I’ve tried things that I’m completely obsessed with and sometimes I think it just wasn’t the time.. Try the next thing and keep trying until you get it right! No matter what anybody has to say. Embrace failure! Each setback becomes a lesson in resilience, a reminder to never settle for less than what sets my soul on fire! Embracing failure is so necessary. I learn so much through those times and at least I can say I tried.
Feeling so lost and confused, being unhappy in my hometown, everything just felt so out of place, and I started to get depressed. I moved about 45 minutes away from home, closer to the beaches, and that was nice, but then my grandma died. And she took so many pieces of me with her. Grief is a weird thing, no one can truly help you move past it, and the only thing you can do is keep going because life didn’t stop no matter how it feels. Well losing her so unexpectedly forced me to confront life’s impermanence and the urgency of living authentically. So a year later I moved out of state.
And then we have relationships. Finding myself in relationships feeling like it was end game, I would be with this person forever, losing people was hard for me, so I felt like we have to make this work. When in reality, this is the time for hiring, firing, and even rehiring sometimes; it’s okay. I’ve learned to just enjoy the experience & to never lose myself in the mix. Relationships teach you a lot about yourself. What you do and don’t like. It has taught me to set boundaries. With all your relationships, friends, family whoever! I used to be the girl who just wouldn’t say much; I felt like I didn’t have a voice and I just kind of just stayed to myself. Now I’ve started prioritizing my wellbeing, to speak with confidence, and to gracefully say farewell to relationships that no longer serve me.
There are so many harsh truths you unravel as you enter your 20s, when those childhood wounds really reveal themselves. One being you are going to make mistakes and you have to forgive yourself for them. Forgive your parents. You can forgive people and not speak to them. Forgiveness is really for you. Never bring your past hurt and pain into new chapters. You’ll never fully get the best experience when you’re still hurting. I always took things personal so forgiveness has been a challenge for me, but I’m working towards it.
While learning who I am and finding comfort within myself, I often felt like an outcast. I didn’t share the same interests as my peers and wanted different things out of life. Overthinking others’ opinions made me indecisive, seeking validation from friends only to feel lost afterwards. Because maybe they didn’t agree or just had a different outlook on what I envisioned. People don’t always see the same thing you see, and that’s just fine. It wasn’t given to them! I had to learn to trust myself, my own gut! And to do it alone! After all, this is MY journey!
So to my girls in their 20s feeling stuck: this is me still figuring things out. Just ranting and all over the place! Over time, I learned that it’s okay to feel lost sometimes; it just means you’re evolving! But embrace the uncertainty, relish the detours, and trust in the wisdom of your intuition! 20s are for you. 20s are for growth!
xo
zenwhispers