i think i prefer the fantasy

lets start with the fact that im scared I may not want to be in a relationship again.

god I love my space.

I love not having to answer to anyone.
I love to come home alone.
I love knowing I have the option to be free.

but then…

I think about how fun it is to be defiant.
to be talking to a guy and letting him feel like he’s in charge.

like yes daddy whatever you say.
I love being daddy’s baby.

I catch myself because I fear I may only want the fantasy of a relationship.

I want to feel every aspect of it.

make me laugh
and cream
and yes make me cry and scream too.

lovebomb me
then get the fuck out my face.

I want every extreme.
every feeling…

just not the responsibility that comes after.

is it bad I just want to experience you
and nothing else.